11 year old cub scout lacks common sense

Brennan Hawkins, the eleven year old cub scout who was missing for four days, should be black balled from the Boy Scouts of America and stripped of all his merit badges.

"The boy had seen some searchers on horseback but avoided them because he was scared."

- Need I comment on this one? The boy is obviously challenged.

"The boy apparently eluded thousands of searchers by defying conventional wisdom: He went up instead of down."

- Whatever happened to staying put? You silly, silly, bastard.

"The boy kept warm by getting into "Midget mode" where he squatted down and pulled his sweatshirt over his knees."

- I find the term "midget mode" highly offensive to the little persons living amongst us. The use of this term does not embody the Boy Scout's Christian values.

"Friends of an 11-year-old boy who was found alive in the Utah wilderness said Wednesday the boy wasn't scared during his ordeal. "

- The kid can't even get his story straight, he already said he was frightened of the people trying to rescue him!

After downing bottles of water and eating all the granola bars carried by a group of volunteer searchers, the boy asked to play a video game on one rescuer's cell phone, the sheriff said.

- Craving cell phone video games after four days of wandering in the wilderness proves that this kid is definitely too nerdy to be a Scout.

The boy carried no food or water when he vanished Friday, and his family had said he did not have a good sense of direction.

- This statement is a bit redundant.


Honestly Brennan, we are glad you were found alive, safe and sound. But please, before you soil the name of Boy Scouts across America, please do not show up to Den 15's meeting next Tuesday. The Boy Scouts would rather have a homosexual among their ranks.