Judging a movie by a bus ad

As I was on my way to work this morning, smelling the filth of 7th Street and battling a potential case of humidity-induced back sweat (or BS as I like to call it), I saw a poster for a movie on the side of a city bus. Rarely do I get upset by the mere sight of a movie advertisement, but this movie looks so bad that I think I may have thrown up in my mouth a bit after reading it's tag line: "They came to bury their mother, and her killer." The movie I am referring to is Four Brothers, starring Mark Wahlberg, Tyrese, and two unknowns not worth mentioning. The movie is directed by John Singleton of Boyz 'n the Hood and Baby Boy fame ( I highly recommend netflixing Baby Boy. Snoop Dogg plays an excellent recently released thug in the film). Since I think that going to see this movie when it opens in August would be a monumental waste of time and money, I will provide you with a synopsis. Please note, this synopsis is strictly based on the ad I saw on the bus.

Four brothers, obviously from different mothers, return to the slummy neighborhood of their youth to attend their mother's funeral. Their mom was killed by her no good landlord who happens to have ties to a small ring of organized crime in their 'hood. Mark Wahlberg's character is a reformed tough guy who now works at an Ace Hardware, and Tyrese's character makes fun of Wahlberg throughout the film for "selling out to the man." Tyrese has several scenes in the film sans shirt. In fact, both Wahlberg and Tyrese wear their shirts in a total of four scenes (hence the title Four Brothers). The other two brothers die in a breakdancing accident in the first fifteen minutes and are never mentioned again. The movie concludes when Wahlberg and Tyrese realize that vengeance is not the answer and that they should instead start a community center where other brothers from different mothers can have a safe place to play chinese checkers and nintendo.

How are the brothers both white and black you ask? Well, that issue isn't tackled in this movie, that would be racist and completely politically incorrect. But the DVD release of Four Brothers will include a deleted scene where the brothers are told by a scientist that they're not biologically related. This news breaks the heart of the brothers and Tyrese reacts by tearing off his t-shirt and running in the rain. Wahlberg reacts by reciting his monologue from the final scene of Boogie Nights (this part doesn't make much sense, that's probably why it was deleted in the first place).