Soccer Hooligan Movie Looks Dumb

I must apologize to the three people who check this website for updates regularly. My lack of activity is a result of the tragedies on the Gulf Coast. I didn't think it was appropriate to make fun of people at a time of such sadness. But now that things are getting a little better, I think it's safe to begin to lighten up and offend people once again.

This summer has to be one of the worst for moviegoers. The only decent Summer movies were Wedding Crashers, 40 Year old Virgin, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I even made the mistake of seeing Red Eye last weekend, and aside from the antagonist getting stabbed in the throat with a pencil, the movie was wretched. A twelve year-old immigrant from Bahrain could have written a better screenplay. Unfortunately, my forecast for Fall films doesn't look much better.

(who would want to approach this kid with the wrong colored soccer jersey on?)

While at Red Eye, I saw a preview for a movie called Green Street Hooligans starring that wuss Elijah Wood from the nerdfest of the century, Lord of the Rings. From what I could understand from the preview, the movie is about a kid who gets kicked out of Harvard, goes to the UK and joins a soccer gang. Wood's character then becomes a hardcore soccer hooligan and fights other soccer hooligans with their fists and medieval weaponry (that is all that is available for troubled youth across the pond). I'm sure he discovers himself through his fellow gangmate's passion for a soccer club, maybe meets a hot Brit, eats some fish and chips, and then returns to America with a new outlook on life.

Let me begin by saying that the premise in this movie is completely implausible because Elijah Wood could get his butt served by the same twelve year-old immigrant from Bahrain who could have written Red Eye. Second, the idea of glorifying these tea-drinking hooligans for fighting over a soccer match is idiotic for many reasons. First, Americans don't like soccer, and they surely can't imagine being passionate about such a boring sport. Second, we're a country with films like Boyz 'n the Hood (and if you're really old school like me Colors), it's going to be hard to get moved by a bunch of white teenagers getting in fist fights while wearing silly, ugly colored soccer jerseys. They should have made the movie about the Raider Nation. Those fans are absolutely insane. But they probably shouldn't have made the movie at all because violent sports fans suck. Glorifying people who fight people because they like an opposing sports team ruins everything amazing about sports. Who wants to get stabbed at their next trip to the ballpark by some kid who got riled by an Elijah Wood movie about soccer? I would rather get stabbed by a kid who had mistaken me for a rival Hobbit, but I'm weird like that.