Janet's Secret Baby

Rumors are circulating that Janet Jackson may have an 18 year old "secret" child! The alleged child's uncle told a radio station that the girl has been living with Rebbie (worst abbreviation for Rebecca) Jackson, Janet's older sister who somehow failed at launching a career in Latoya's shadow. I am concerned about this claim and take it very seriously. We all know that Janet can't be trusted because she kept her eight-year marriage to Rene Elizondo a secret from the public until the couple divorced in 1999. However, Janet has also been the target of some pretty absurd rumors over the course of her career. For instance, I was told in high school that she had a metal plate inserted into her abs, and the other day I was told that she was dating the ugliest man in hip hop, Jermaine Dupri (someone tell me this is a lie). Additionally, I am getting news that nerds across the country are personally hurt that Jackson may have withheld her secret child because her Super Bowl performance is as far as they have ever been with a real live woman. On a more serious note, why do we care! Wait, I don't care...I just don't like being lied to, and nobody likes a liar...especially 18 year old girls whose mothers deny their existence.

(Pictured: artistic rendering of what a Jackson-Dupri child would look like)