News in Bikini Briefs

(never trust a man with a mustache, he may wreck your multiple homes)

A Fairfax County man was captured yesterday, and will be arraigned on bigamy charges after his story was aired on Dr. Phil's tv show. In a related story, the Fairfax County District Attorney will go before the court under the charge of straight playa hatin, hiyooo! I think Dr. Phil goes by "Doctor" because he has his PHD, a player hatin degree. Oh man, I'm on a roll...being married to multiple women at once is hilarious (yet heartbreaking).



Dave Chappelle's Block Party opened in theaters today. The documentary follows Chapelle as he organizes a hip hop concert (undoubtedly a waste of ten dollars). The film is bound to disappoint the thousands of lamos who won't give up their awful impressions of Chapelle's impressions. Don't act like you don't know huu-whaaat!! I'm talking about.


(Mos Def: Bad ass, but battling a horrible speech impediment)

16 Blocks, which stars Bruce Willis and Mos Def also opened today. Without actually reading the review I can safely tell you that the movie is pretty much the same as Die Hard 3 (because it stars Bruce Willis and a black guy). So I recommend that you save the ten bucks and watch Die Hard 3 because it is always on TNT and you can use the extra money to buy bananas and bran muffins. I also have a little message for Mr. Def...please stop mumbling! I can't understand a damn word you're saying.



(Alba: had this photo taken at JC Penny)

B- list celebrity Jessica Alba is complaining about appearing on the cover of this month's Playboy magazine. I guess she is not featured nude in the magazine and fears that the cover might hurt her non-existent reputation and career. The whole situation is stupid and she should be thankful that she's getting exposure beyond acne-faced Maxim-reading pre-teens. No offense to Maxim subscribers, they have some really insightful articles in there.