Olympics = overrated

(spandex: so hot it will light your ass on fire)

The Winter Olympics haven’t been cool since Lillehammer, which was 1994. I also thought overall-shorts were pretty cool in 1994, so I guess my endorsement of the ’94 Olympics isn’t all that strong. Anyways, the Olympics are a monumental waste of time and money. But I’m okay with that. The thing that really kills me is that every jackass with a TV who watches ten minutes of an event all of the sudden appreciates the sport. Where were these people during the past 3 years and 11 months? They sure as hell weren’t supporting the US National Team at the curling World Championships in Prague.

The Olympics have a keen ability at making people think that obscure sports are cool for about a month, then the athletes disappear into oblivion. Maybe if they’re lucky they can get a Wheaties box, but who eats that garbage anyways? The other thing about the Olympics that bugs me is that every Olympic athlete has some sort of ridiculous sob story that the commentators won’t shut up about. For instance, the bobsledder whose cat died when he was twelve…he’s dedicated every one of his races to that cat and actually keeps the cat’s tail in his spandex unitard while he races. Maybe they have to have those stories to trick the public into thinking that watching someone sled down some ice is a good use of their time.

What about patriotism you might ask? Well I think it’s pretty well established that despite how our finest homosexuals fare in figure skating this year, the USA will still be the best and most powerful country in the world. I am not going to lose much sleep if some Swiss guy beats us in the slalom. So what will I be watching on the television (I have one now) this snowy weekend in DC? Season 1 of the OC on DVD. I had no idea Summer was such a skank at the beginning of the show.