(whatever the hell this thing is, I want one!)

Maybe my last post was a little dramatic. I'm probably not a mighty phoenix rising from the ashes...I'm more of a wounded pigeon, hobbling away from the ashes. Either way, the ashes are being disposed of.

This week marks the start of the Alito Senate confirmation hearings. Yesterday, members of the Senate Judiciary Committee were given a chance to present their opening statements. For those of you with lives and aren't big nerds like me, I will summarize them for you:

Democratic Member X: "Abortion, Abortion, executive priviledge...John Kerry"
Republican Member Y: "You aren't a baby killer are you?...George Bush"

Yes folks, that was an exact summary of yesterday's proceedings. I have decided that this is the last time I will cover the Alito hearings, not only because I can't think of anything funny about them, but because we need to realize that this is a big ridiculous show, and in the end, Alito will be confirmed.

Hillary Swank and Chad Lowe have decided to separate after eight years of marriage. I have to admit, I have no idea who Chad Lowe is, and when I saw the headline I was hoping that she was married to uber-hunk Rob Lowe, star of Wayne's World II.

A bomb was found inside the bathroom of a Starbucks in San Francisco yesterday. The device, which was live, prompted the evacuation of 100 people in a four block radius. SF Police are currently searching for suspects, but I think I have a hunch. It was probably that guy you see every day at Starbucks who refuses to order correctly. Yes, him. The guy who orders a "medium" instead of a "grande." This man was so worn down by the tall, grande, venti system that he thought he could set them straight by causing an explosion of urine and feces. Speaking of which...do not eat at Dupont Italian Kitchen.

This has to be the most disturbing story of 2006.

Druggie and Kurt Cobain-Widow Courtney Love seems to be having some financial troubles. It is reported that Love allowed a mortgage company to foreclose on a home occupied by Cobain's sister. Love reportedly has no money because Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl has been "taking money from (her) child for years." I was shocked to hear that the Foo Fighter frontman would do such a thing...I mean taking candy from a baby is one thing, but taking money is a whole different level. However, my fears subsided after the reporter asked how Grohl managed to extort the money and Love's only response was "me want some smack."