News in Briefs: Arnold selects gay dem as CoS

Arnold shocked the golden state when he announced his new chief of staff. Susan Kennedy is a democrat, a Gray Davis cabinet secretary, a former abortion rights group director, and one of the highest profile gay politicians in Sacramento. Arnold described his new chief of staff as "a woman that is known as being a hardworking woman, dedicated, and is willing to work whatever it takes to get the job done. She's willing to set her Democratic philosophy aside and do the job and do my vision -- to be able to work together with Democrats and Republicans." Unfortunately for Kennedy, when Arnold said that he expected her to "do my vision" he was referring to his fantasy of girl on girl action...come on, the guy's a perv and he doesn't speak english very well.

A USA Today article calls the Department of Homeland Security's hotline a hotbed of weak tips. The only reason I read this article was because I wanted to make sure I wasn't missing out on a warm bed somewhere here in this vast wasteland of misery I call work.

I vowed to leave Tom and Katie alone but this article is too damn funny to keep from my vast readership. Cruise admitted in a Barbara Walters interview earlier this week that he bought a sonogram machine to personally monitor the baby that rests in the womb of B list actress and brainwash victim, Katie Holmes. According to the article, "the couch-jumping thesp told Walters that he did not know the sex of his offspring, but that he saw "a little baby" when he performed the ultrasound." However upon a further investigation it was determined that Cruise did not see "a little baby" and instead was monitoring the progress of a little ball of crazy.

Senator and presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton defended her vote in favor of the war in Iraq. Clinton admitted that if she knew what she knows today she wouldn't have voted in favor of the war. However, she stated that she does not support a plan to immediately pull out of Iraq. Clinton is trying to appease the liberal democratic base that could determine her fate in the presidential primary while at the same time appearing hawkish to increase her chances at winning favor with the general public...definitely not an enviable duty. In other news, remember how much John Kerry sucked? Really, someone tell him to stop making public appearances...and if he thinks about running again, I will run my own swift boat ads claiming that he ate babies in Beirut.