News in Briefs

President Bush is planning to give another "I wasn't the only one wrong about the Iraq war" speech during a pitstop in Alaska on his way to Asia this afternoon. Is spreading the blame for the Iraq quagmire really making us feel warm and fuzzy inside? At least he's doing it in Alaska, where an eskimo and some seal fat will be his only audience. I guess with Bush, the buck stops...um...where does the buck go if it never stops?

In keeping with America's biggest lamos visiting Asia theme, Arnold will visit China this week and showcase what California has to offer. I hold little hope for Arnold because I don't think China is interested in earthquakes, illegal immigrants, and gay marriage...ZING! (worst characterization of California, ever).

Chicken Little topped 50 Cent at the box office last weekend, proving that Americans love computer-generated kiddy movies more than films about the absolute worst way to achieve the American dream (dry-humping youself to the top).

Condoleeza Rice continues to meet with Palestinian and Isreali officials to arrange a border crossing agreement for Gaza. When asked about the progress Palestinian officials were confused and said they hadn't been able to pay attention to the first days of the talks because they were too busy staring at the depths of Condi's mouth through the enormous gap in her teeth.