TGIF NIB

US Rep John Murtha, known for his hawkish inclination, surprised the country yesterday when he called for the removal of American troops in Iraq. In retaliation to the statements, Vice President Cheney called Murtha a panzee and afraid of war. But then Cheney's aides informed him that Murtha is a veteran and an ex-marine, and that Cheney's daughter has a thing for chicks in flannel.

Early this morning, the House of Reps passed the controversial budget bill by two votes. The bill, which will cut spending for social programs like medicare, food stamps, and loans for poor college students, passed with 14 moderate Republican and all Democratic members in opposition. Opponents of the budget thought it was in poor taste to slash social programs for the poor and then take up legislation to continue cutting taxes for the wealthiest Americans. In related news, resesarch shows that 14 House Republicans have souls.

DC police continue to search for answers to the question we've been asking for weeks, "Who Shot Cam'ron." The hip hop (star?) who has had hits like (?) and (? featuring Mary J Blige?) was shot in an attempted car-jacking while riding in his Lamborgini on a busy DC street. Mr. 'Ron has not been cooperative with investigators and has instead chosen to call the incident the best thing that could ever happen to his once non-existent career. Now armed with his newfound street cred, Cam'ron may be able to finally pay his $16,000 a month insurance premiums on his ridiculously dumb car.

AIM users have not welcomed their new buddies. The two new buddies, which automatically appreared on buddy lists this week, are designed to help chatters find movie times and shop. I know that the buddies may be a little annoying but take it from me, it's really funny to tell them that you want to touch their boobies.