NIB is back

Virginia governor and presidential hopeful Mark Warner granted clemency to a death row inmate. In a move that some are calling politically motivated, Warner chose to commute the death sentence because evidence that could have cleared the defendant had been destroyed by an idiot in a Virginia evidence lab. In an odd twist, former special prosecutor and world's largest tattle tale, Kenneth Starr, was one of the lawyers representing the death row inmate. Is saving a man's life enough to make me respect a man whose life's work was tracking down a presidential baby batter-stained dress? Probably not. I'm so partisan it burns when I pee.

The Roberts SCOTUS will hear a case involving parental notifications for abortions. According to the Post, "Courtroom observers will scrutinize every word uttered by Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr., and no doubt every change in his facial expression in search of clues to views he declined to provide during his confirmation hearings in September." I am really excited about examining these facial expressions considering the success I had with my confirmation photo journal last September.

Bush went on the offensive this morning by delivering a speech outlining his plan for Iraq. You can find the 35 page plan here, but since I know you're a bunch of lazy bums I will outline it for you. First, we take one step backward...then we take another....then we turn our backs and run like the dickens while screaming "good luck with the civil war, they add character."

San Diego Congressman Duke Cunningham stepped down this week after pleading guilty to accepting $2.4 million in bribes from federal contractors. The Republican party is doing their best to distance themselves from this prodigal son and stated that Democrats in Congress were equally guilty of questionable behavior, including lobbyist-paid trips and underreporting of campaign contributions. Wait, wait, wait, Republicans control the House, Senate, and White House and our country is in the toilet. You don't get to point the finger at Democrats. That's just like the time my office mate farted and then our boss stopped by to chat with us and when the boss smelled the stench my office mate said "well Will does it too." It's just like that time...exactly like it.