Bush backs down on torture

(Asian Ronalds are pretty creepy, and pear-shaped)

CNN.com is claiming that terror suspect Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was detained in 2004, but Iraqi forces let him go because they didn't know his identity. This tragic tale reminds me of the summer of 1995 when I threw away the McDonalds Monopoly Park Place game piece that would have let me win a sweet Corvette....It's just like that time, except lives are at stake in in Iraq and I was like 12 in 1995, so the 'vette would have collected dust in my driveway.

Senator John McCain and President Bush came to an agreement today on an anti-torture bill. Bush stated "We share a common goal -- that is to protect the American people and to win the war on terror." I guess the only difference between the two of them is their preferred methods for achieving this goal. McCain, a torture victim, believes in the Geneva Convention, and Bush, well he's a fan of nipple clamps and sleep deprivation. I haven't read the article, but I assume that the monumental agreement will replace the nipple clamps with the DVD collection of R. Kelly's trapped in the closet series (someone tell me those things are a joke)

President Bush said that he thinks former Majority Leader Tom Delay is not guilty of money laundering charges. Bush explained his assertion by stating that he liked Delay because he gets his bills through Congress. Bush also defended now ousted Representative Dirty Duke Cunningham and has been lobbying for five years to get a unicorn for the DC Zoo. But really, Delay is innocent because Bush likes him? That's like saying Scott Peterson is innocent because he's so damn dreamy...seriously, I want to be his jailhouse bride.

In other news, I have decided that Kong is either going to be amazing, or will make me want to vomit my novelty sized 10 dollar movie theater beverage on a stranger. Part of the reason I'm skeptical is that I'm not sure if I can take Jack Black seriously...especially after playing around with this (really, click it, it's hilarious).

Finally, I want to wish my brother a very happy 26th birthday. I love you man, even though you're old.