Valentine's Shmalentines

(Osama BL: a big V-day fan. Clearly, if you celebrate the holiday, you're letting the terrorists win)

Did anyone notice how early I broke the Cheney story? The heat seems to be on the VP not for shooting the gramps-lawyer, but for his failure to notify the public of the accident. The Cheney camp waited an entire day before officially admitting his "bad" (yes, at the ripe age of 22 my ear is still to the street). The victim of the accident was reportedly joking with nursing staff about his newfound fame and would have been laughing about the whole thing if HIS FACE WASN'T FILLED WITH BULLET SHARDS! Speaking of getting shot...I actually felt bad for Luke when that kid from Corona shot him in the arm (I'm so 2003).

An Irish newspaper ran a story with the headline, New Yorkers 'not fazed' by snow storm. I think there should be a related article titled "Washingtonians biggest pussies ever when it comes to snow." You would think it was Armageddon last weekend...I actually saw two women fighting over the last box of flaming hot Cheetos at Safeway in fear of the idea they may not have access trans fat for six hours. Then I saw a bunch of studly roughnecks wearing orange space outfits...maybe that's what did it for me.

If I have to see one more shitty jewelry ad I am going to gouge my eyes out with a soft brissled toothbrush. I think Valentine's Day is the most depressing "holiday" America has to offer (with arbor day coming in at a close second). Am I the only person who thinks you shouldn't have to feel obligated to take your special lady to the Olive Garden just because Hallmark and Zales wants your hard earned money? You need to treat your special someone to unlimited salad and breadsticks every day...not because you love them, but because it will make them fat and force them to stick with you. On that note, happy Valentine's Day.