Friday, February 24, 2006

Things that suck

I wouldn't consider myself to be a negative person. In fact I've recently been making an effort to stay positive. However, over the past few days I have compiled a list of things that totally suck and are horrible. I would like to share them with you.

1) Tapas:

The idea was kind of cool when they first became popular in 2002, but I am officially calling for their departure from the culinary scene. It seems that every new restaurant in DC only serves tapas. Let's be honest, tapas are a way for expensive restaurants to fool poor people like myself. Countless times I have persued a menu in a restaurant window and thought that the prices were reasonable. Then, after sitting down among a bunch of other trendy white people with "product" in their hair, I realize that the only reason the entrees were under fifteen dollars is because the servings are designed to feed a Filipino infant. Then you have to spend at least a hundred clams to get full, or leave the restaurant craving more nourishment (usually New Big Wong). I'm all about sharing food, and I am not demanding Hungry Man-sized proportions, but tapas are just plain annoying and I want them to die.

2)Bluetooth Headsets

(can you hear me now? Good, cause I'm still a massive tool)

Remember when cell phones were a status symbol? People would proudly display them on their belt clip to prove that they were technologically superior than the losers still punching in pager code. Well now that even Sri Lankan street peddlers have Motorola Razrs, people have found another device to annoyingly display, the Bluetooth headset. These things have to be the most obnoxious facial accessory ever invented. I'm all for not getting brain tumors and using cell phone headsets, but these glowing bionic ears are downright silly, and you should be sucker punched if you're wearing one. I don't blame you for wanting to look like Robocop, it was a pretty sweet movie (the second one was mediocre at best), but are you so damn important that you have to listen to world in mono because you might get a damn phone call? Most of the time bluetooth users aren't even on the phone, so I'm assuming that they enjoy glowing like a retarded Christmas tree. So please, take that ridiculous piece of machinery out of your ear, you're killing America.

3) Justin Timberlake

Dude, where have you been? It's been too long since your last album which I may add was filled with hot tracks. No, I didn't buy "Justified," I am not that gay (But I did buy it for my girlfriend at the time and immediately burn it to my computer). JT, now is your time to shine, Britney is looking like a cheap coke wench and you're dating every guy's dream girl, Mary. Please come out with some new songs, because I've already choreographed moves to your old ones, and my friends are getting tired of passing to the left and sailing to the right every Friday night.

Believe me, there are more things (and people) that suck, and I will be highlighting a some more soon. But since I want to stay positive I will list a few things that don't suck.

1) Oklahoma- because I went to a state society party, lied and said I was from Tulsa and won four Capitals tickets
2) Bananas- they taste great, portable, and plug you up
3) Starbucks bran muffins- a great tasting compliment to item #2
4) Diversity training- I got to waste a whole day at work, and get free lunch
5) New Big Wong- On 7th and H NW, it will change your life
6) Seeing former olympian Kerry Strug at the gym- she's pint sized


At 3:24 PM, Blogger nbarsley said...



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