Friday, April 28, 2006

Do I need to point out that this guy definitely had his fingers crossed during this picture? Maybe the peace sign in Iran also means nuclear holocaust. Either way, I'm scared. I've decided that if Iran went to your high school it would have been that kid who wore a trenchcoat in 90 degree weather, had a greasy ponytail, and drew pictures of guns during class. No one, including the teachers, wanted to deal with that freak because they were convinced he would blow up the place. The jocks would talk about beating him up, but would never touch him because they were convinced he would do something crazy like bite their face off. Yep, Iran is sooo that kid.

The NCAA has forced Illinois, North Dakota and Indiana University of Pennsylvania to stop using Indian nicknames, mascots and imagery deemed "hostile" and "abusive" at NCAA championship events. Unfortunately, the NCAA has chosen to allow Notre Dame to continue their use of fighting Mickey McDrinkandfightalot the Spud-eater as their school mascot.

(Rosie may not be retarded, but she has played one on TV, seriously)

Rosie O'Donnell is headed over to the classy talk show The View. O'Donnell is a "fat 43-year-old menopausal ex-talk show host," according to her somewhat-inaccurate blog bio. (She's actually 44.) She is better known as a stand-up comic turned character actress (Sleepless in Seattle, A League of Their Own) turned daytime TV queen. She's also known as totally hott!! If she was into dudes, I would be all over that cutie patootie. Okay, I just made a reference to her old talk show and I'm probably the only person who picked up on it...has anyone seen my manhood?

(Bin Laden: all he needs in one mic)

Lastly in old news, Bin Laden has released another hit from his Mixtape of Terror. In this bomb track, B-Laden spoke about busting caps in Americans and getting all the V-cards in heaven. I think he also talked about infidels too. I can't wait for the compilation of "NOW that's what I call Terror" due out to your local Sam Goody next month. I hear there may be a slow jam collabo with R. Kelly in the works...stay tuned!

Guess Who's Back?

No, unfortunately Jerry Orbach is still dead...but Pick is back.

(Pictured: Orbach in his younger, sexier years)

I admit it, I completely fell off the PicksPost bandwagon. But, I feel that I have a legitimate excuse and it rhymes with schmonerria. Don't fear loyal reader(s) the doctor says I'm in good enough health to return to my hobby of posting things on this website that nobody cares about and have little humor.

Many things have happened since Yanni was cleared of charges in a Florida courtroom and I will do my best to summarize them for you.

1) I started wearing a new deodorant- Degree's "Ionic Breeze" scent was becoming a bit played out. Plus, I am pretty sure Ionic Breezes give you cancer (seriously, doesn't it sound a bit Chernobyl-ish?)

2) Deal or no Deal has become NBC's number one rated show- This means that I can no longer post about it to be ironic.

3) I got a bad haircut at the Hair Cuttery- word to the wise, don't trust a business that displays bowl cuts in its windows to entice potential customers.

4) Finally, George Bush is the decider- I am way too late to jump in on this one, but I felt the need to make sure that my readership is aware that the most powerful man in the world is indeed "the decider."

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Yanni: Innocent, but still a creep

Legendary keyboardist and new age loser Yanni has been cleared of domestic abuse charges. His girlfriend, Silvia Barthes, 33, told police Yanni grabbed her and shook her, then threw her on a bed and jumped on her, according to a police report. Barthes had a bloody lip, but told officers she thought she might have hit herself when Yanni shook her (spoken like a true wife-beatee).

Yanni had this to say in response to the claims (my issues with the statement are in bold):

"The allegations claimed were always false and completely without any merit. Unfortunately, celebrities are often seen as easy targets and are very vulnerable to these kinds of baseless allegations and false demands for money. I want to thank my family, friends, fans and everyone who have supported me through this very difficult and painful time. I love the Florida community in which I live and will continue to have faith in our justice system."

1) You're not a celebrity Yanni. You might chill out my neighbor who makes her own clothes out of hemp, but you're still a mustachioed nobody.

2) I think it would have been more fitting if Yanni replaced the word "fans" with "new age blowhards who get chubs from Casio keyboards and ponytails."

3) I'm sorry Yanni, but this case has reaffirmed my disillusion with the justice system. How on earth can we let a man with a mustache that offensive go free?

(All those years of tickling the plastic ivories sure have aged the synthesizer king)