Thursday, October 27, 2005

Miers: A non-issue

Harriet Miers officially withdrew her nomination to the Supreme Court this morning, claiming that her confirmation would provide a burden to the White House.

Several thoughts on this breaking news...

My bet is that the White House will use this news, and the ensuing new Supreme Court nominee to overshadow the impending indictments that will be announced later this week. Further, I am scared for our country. Miers was not defeated by Senate Democrats, but by conservative Republicans and his right-wing base who were worried that Miers did not possess a conservative judicial philosophy (remember, she loves gays). So, it seems obvious that the next nominee will be some sort of cross burning, coat hanger abortion-forcing, gay hater (albeit most likely more intelligent than Miers). It will be interesting to see if Bush can find another female nominee, or if he will abandon the gender issue completely. Bush may, in an effort to please females and conservatives, nominate an intelligent, conservative eunuch. I wonder if he has ever thought of nominating Sam Waterson, he's been a great NYC District Attorney for the past ten years or so...and I don't think he likes gays either.

(Waterson: the next nominee? Maybe, if he hates gays and tortures detainees)

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Janet's Secret Baby

Rumors are circulating that Janet Jackson may have an 18 year old "secret" child! The alleged child's uncle told a radio station that the girl has been living with Rebbie (worst abbreviation for Rebecca) Jackson, Janet's older sister who somehow failed at launching a career in Latoya's shadow. I am concerned about this claim and take it very seriously. We all know that Janet can't be trusted because she kept her eight-year marriage to Rene Elizondo a secret from the public until the couple divorced in 1999. However, Janet has also been the target of some pretty absurd rumors over the course of her career. For instance, I was told in high school that she had a metal plate inserted into her abs, and the other day I was told that she was dating the ugliest man in hip hop, Jermaine Dupri (someone tell me this is a lie). Additionally, I am getting news that nerds across the country are personally hurt that Jackson may have withheld her secret child because her Super Bowl performance is as far as they have ever been with a real live woman. On a more serious note, why do we care! Wait, I don't care...I just don't like being lied to, and nobody likes a liar...especially 18 year old girls whose mothers deny their existence.

(Pictured: artistic rendering of what a Jackson-Dupri child would look like)

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Smart Choices, according to who?

I bet you've seen the little green circle with the check mark on some of your favorite foods and beverages. The green circle (pictured left) usually includes a description of why the product is a smart choice to eat or drink. At first blush, I liked this concept. Choosing healthy food and beverages should be easier and more straightforward, and I assumed that the campaign was part of a government initiative. But later I became suspicious. Why weren't some of the healthiest products at the grocery store labeled as "smart choices," while KC Masterpiece Baked Lays and Gatorade were? So, I decided to do some investigating (aka looking at the website), and discovered that the whole program is a Pepsico marketing scheme.

I find the whole thing very misleading because nowhere on the smart choice label does it mention that it's a Pepsico initiative. Further, the website's only reference to its creator is a small insignia tucked away in the bottom corner of the page. The smart spot is tricky enough to fool consumers into believing that it is some sort of official endorsement and that all consumer products were eligible to recieve the smart spot. However, its true function is a Pepsico endorsement of its own products. They were able to create their own standards and thresholds for what determines a smart choice. This strikes me as a very Bush Administration-esque self-regulation policy (does this make sense to anyone else?)

(Gatorade: Is it in you? And if it is, is it making you fat?)

Let's look at one of their products that recieves the smart spot, Gatorade. Pepsico has done a great job marketing Gatorade as the drink of choice for athletes. Michael Jordan drank it, so it's probably suited for you too, right? Forget all of the rehydration, electrolyte replenishment rhetoric and call a spade a spade, Gatorade is sugar water and food coloring. Sugar water can serve an important nutritional purpose if you're participating in strenuous athletic activities, like a football or basketball game. But if you're downing a bottle of electric grape gatorade while reading this informative blog, it's just going to add empty calories to your diet. A 32 ounce bottle of gatorade has 200 calories and 56 grams of sugar. Of course, a bottle wouldn't tell you that because they consider a 32 ounce bottle as four servings, another tricky tactic used to by the food and beverage industry to skew their printed nutrition facts.

Many of you already know this, and probably wonder why I care. It's because I get the feeling that the smart spot endorsements will lead people, and more importantly parents, into believing that they now have a free pass to consume as much of these products as they want. Parents will load their kids up with Gatorade, Pepsi One, and Baked Lays, with the intention of being healthy, when in reality they're most likely passing up some of the healthiest, and mostly non-Pepsico, products available. So I guess the take away message is to keep vigilant at the grocery store, and uhh eat lil smokies.

Pickspost: The Lil Smokies Destination

Google, or search on MSN for "lil smokies" and what do you get among many informative sites? This blog (for some reason Yahoo! gives me no love, maybe Bpicks can remedy this?)

Soon Pick's Post will be the 'lil smokies portal for lil' smokificianodas worldwide. Over a hundred people have already viewed the post on my desire for a lil' smoky resurgence, and now I think it's time to put my words into action. However, I can't do it without the help of my loyal readers. I need recipe ideas for the delectable miniature cocktail wieners. I already have one in the works that involves incorporating lil' smokies into a sushi roll, but I'm sure you guys have some creative recipes, just place your recipes in the comment section and we can move from there. I can't tell you how excited I am...with your help, I may be the #1 ranked lil' smokies site on all search engines! (Let's hope our recipes end up looking tastier than this lil smokies dish. Whatever is picture above looks sick.)

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Trebek: Is he smart?

Watching Jeopardy can really make you feel dumb. Every once in while a category will come up and you'll know some of the answers, like "Things that Rhyme with Orange," but then something like "Persian Rugs of the 18th Century" pops up on double Jeopardy and you feel like a dunce again. Something that added insult to injury is when they had a week of Jeopardy kids edition, and I was still more clueless than the Democratic leadership...ZING!

One thing that really bugs me is that Alex Trebek acts like he would have known the answers to all of the questions even if he didn't have the answers in front of his face. He can be a real condescending d-bag. So, I came up with a brilliant idea that I think could be a concept for a new annoying reality show (even though I was already told it was dumb I am going to share it with you). I say, take the hosts of game shows and place them in the game that they host. They will go head to head with other civilian contestants. So Pat Sajack will have to buy vowels, Alex Trebek will have to answer with questions instead of answers, and Marc Summers and his family will have to pull the red flag out of that huge novelty size snotty nose. I really think I'm on to something, and if that reality TV guru Mark Burnett steals my idea I'll either sue him, or I might let him opt for the physical challenge.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

sitting on your ass makes you fat

No, I'm not just being mean to sedentary individuals, I'm actually citing the research conducted by Duke University's Medical Center. These people came up with the astounding conclusion that moderate exercise reduces bellyfat and can prevent weight gain.

I have a problem with this "study." Was there ever any doubt that sitting on your butt all day would make you larger and the recipient of pet names like "big daddy" or "big dog"? I admit, I have used my blog as a tool to sound the obesity bell that seems to be constantly ringing in the heads of Americans these days. I did this because I think that it's a legitimate problem. But now I think it has gotten out of hand. Anything with the word "fat" or "obese" is all of the sudden big news. I don't see the point in funding studies to state the obvious, which are most likely aimed only at making headlines. As I imagine these people sitting around in white coats discussing their hypothesis for this groundbreaking study, I want to backhand their Stargate-watching faces. No, even worse, I want to backhand the people at Reuters who thought that this study was newsworthy! Money and resources should be allocated toward programs that make exercise attractive for individuals, and not toward studies that could have been conducted by an observation of my uncle's den (he sits a lot and is sometimes called big dog). So I will set the record straight, being sedentary makes you fat and unhealthy, try to find ways to integrate exercise and healthy nutrition into your daily life and you will be healthier. There, I didn't need a labcoat to come up with that one. So let's stop talking about how bad it is to be a big daddy, and let's start doing something to help makes the big dog clothing line a little less profitable.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Ashton: Officially a d-bag

This is how I imagine this horrible concept was conceived.

Ashton: Honey, what should I wear on the most important day of our lives together?

Demi: Hmm, I want you to look like a complete blowhard, a blowhard with an Al Capone/Miami Vice theme.

Ashton: I was thinking massive tool, but Capone blowhard works too.

Rove sweating bullets

...And that's not only because the man packs some heft. The President's top policy aide and personal confidant has already testified three times in the probe into whether an administration official deliberately leaked the identity of covert CIA operative Valerie Plame, whose husband is an administration critic. Rove has agreed to testify again, possibly this week, and prosecutors have told him they can no longer assure him he'll escape indictment.

While this is great news for Democrats who have demonized the man for his sleazy yet effective political "strategery," some are wondering how the President will survive without his main man, the peanut butter to his jelly, the Garfunkel to his Art, the cheese to his macaroni, the Robin to his Batman, and the syrup to his lil smokies. The AP stated that Karl Rove's fingerprints are all over everything at the White House, from politics to policy to the shape of
President Bush's entire career in government. Also, I may add that his fingerprint trail at the WH may also be a reflection of Rove's adoration for chili cheese fries (they're quite greasy).

Let's recap the White House treatment of the Rove scandal:

At first, the WH denied that Rove had been involved. Bush promised to fire anyone on his staff responsible for such a leak.

Later as the evidence against Rove began to accumulate, Bush reneged by saying that he would remove aides who committed "crimes" meaning that they would have to convict Rove before Bushie would remove him.

At a news conference last week, Bush declined to say whether he would remove an aide under indictment. On Tuesday, he told NBC's "Today" show: "I'm not going to talk about the case."

So, where does the WH stand on the whole debacle? Your guess is as good as mine. But without a doubt the loss of Bush's first mate to his Captain, the Sonny to his Cher, and the cream filling to his Oreo cookies would be a serious blow to an administration hurting at the polls and lacking any shred of dignity and credibility. I knew I should have voted for Kucinich in 2004.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Katrina hurts poor who can't get it up

In an attempt to free up federal funds for Hurricane Katrina disaster relief, some lawmakers are trying to keep the needy from getting their chub on. The House of Represenatives passed a bill yesterday excluding erectile dysfunction drugs like Viagra from medicare and medicaid prescription drugs benefits. The exlcusion of Bob Dole's favorite blue pill from medicaid and medicare will save the government $500 million that can be directed toward federal unemployment benefits for victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Talk about robbing Peter (a limp Peter) to pay Paul. Why not reduce some of the huge tax cuts given to the wealthiest of Americans instead of those who want to engage in some simple hanky panky on the government's tab?

(Pictured: The Six Flags Guy, old but virile.)

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Breaking News: Nominee Believes in Civil Rights!!

Several reports have indicated that Harriet Miers has supported full civil rights for homosexuals and AIDS education in 1989. Bush must be blinking like a banchee (those who saw the 2004 presidential debates knows that Bush's reaction to stressful situations is to blink...most of the time in a banchee-like fashion). To see a hilarious video on Bush's speaking strategy, watch this movie.

Check out America Blog's story on Miers absurd belief in civil rights here, and the Drudge Report's story here. (I love that Matt Drudge thinks "full civil rights for gays" warrants a siren graphic, what a fascist.)

Health Study: Odds are that you will you get fat

(Bob Barker, proof that not all old men get fat. He's fit as a fiddle at age 123)

A recently released study that followed 4,000 Caucasian Americans showed that 9 out of 10 men and 7 out of 10 women will become overweight. "Even those who made it to middle age without getting fat were not safe. Half of the men and women in the study who had made it well into adulthood without a weight problem ultimately became overweight. A third of those women and a quarter of the men became obese."

I think the study's results are far from surprising. Anyone with keen observation skills could tell you that as people get older, their bellies expand. I even argue that getting fat is part of the beauty of aging. When you get old don't you have the right to sit in your lazy boy armchair, eat bon bons and watch the Price is Right all day? What's more, as people age, they become less active due to health problems, so isn't it obvious that they will pack on some extra weight? When I'm a weathered and cantankerous old man I'm going to wear my gut with pride on America's beaches. I will lather SPF 50 on my stretched marked mid section and strut in front of the gray-haired fat women on the shore. Actually, writing this and picturing stretch marks on my stomach makes me want to throw up my morning maybe when I'm old I'll lay off the bon bons, but if you think I won't watch the Price is Right, you have another thing coming. And don't worry, Bob Barker will still be alive when I'm 70, he sleeps in an anti-aging chamber.

Monday, October 03, 2005

President Bush caught wondering how many beers it would take to make Miers do-able

Supreme Court rendered useless?

The NY Times ran a story yesterday making the claim that even if the Supreme Court reversed the Roe v. Wade (the only case brought before the Supreme Court that the public cares about), it would be unlikely that the US would return to the day of back alley abortions. Specifically, a drug called Cyotec may provide a non surgical solution for unwanted pregnancies. The article is interesting, but my favorite part is the quote given by Norma McCorvey, who in 1973 was known as Jane Roe, the woman who brought the case that legalized abortion, but who has since argued for the reversal of the court's decision. In response to the discussion of Cyotec, McCorvey stated:

"When women start using these self-induced drugs, and start seeing body parts in their potty, they're going to go bananas. And it's going to be horrible."

"Potty" and "bananas" in the same sentence? I'm sorry, but please tell me that the reporter from the NY Times told you that the article was going to run in Highlights magazine.

...and the nominee is

President Bush announced today that Harriet Miers is his choice to replace outgoing swing-voter Sandra Day O'Connor on the Supreme Court. Miers, who has never served as a judge, currently serves in the Bush Administration as the White House Counsel, the personal lawyer to the President. She was the first woman to serve as president of the Texas State Bar and the Dallas Bar Association, and has known the President since the 1980s (also known as his Jack Daniels days). Since Miers has never ruled over a legal case, it will be difficult to determine her judicial philosophy. The lack of a judicial paper trail, something Democrats cited as reason to oppose recently confirmed Chief Justice Roberts who spent time as a federal judge, will definitely become a prominent issue as the confirmation process goes forward. Further, the nomination is a blatant example of the President's practice of rewarding loyalty (or cronyism for us critical thinkers). President Bush has served as a mentor and boss for Miers since his days as Texas governor, is it hard to imagine how she would have ruled in Bush V. Gore? Miers also worked under Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, so I can imagine the prisoner torture debate becoming an issue as well. The stealth nominee's stance on issues like abortion and gay rights remain unknown, but some are beginning to question the lifestyle choice of a woman who is 60 years old, unmarried and has a affinity for bowl cuts (that was completely unfair, untrue, and unfunny...sorry). I will provide more details on the nominee as soon as they reach my desk (aka when posts more articles). Until then, I have provided a photo of Sandra Day O'Connor's reaction to the appointment.