Friday, June 23, 2006

Say it Ain't so Norm

People magazine named the old dude from American Idol the country's hottest bachelor. The take away message? Chicks dig average-looking gray haired guys with bowl cuts. The saddest part of all? I so want to be this guy.
("I'll take the mixing bowl, with #3 on the sides")

Believe it or not, Saddam Hussein is no Gandhi. In response to the murder of one of his defense attorneys, Hussein declared that he would go on a hunger strike in his US-run prison. However, Hussein's grumbling tummy caused the war criminal to cut his hunger strike short after missing only one meal. This reminds me of the time I tried to go on a diet, but promptly fell off the wagon after watching a Honeycomb cereal commercial. That creepy animal thing is quite the temptress.
(If those aren't the frenzied eyes of a man that "need honeycomb" I don't know what is.)

The smallest, oldest, most Asian, and nicest man in the Bush Administration announced his resignation today. Norman Mineta will retire as Secretary of Transportation in a few weeks. When asked what Mineta will do after his retirement, he stated that he would like to take a nap and watch the Price is Right. Really, the guy is 90, he deserves a breather. In keeping with Bush Administration policy, Mineta will be replaced by someone who is an opponent of transportation. One possible candidate is Jebediah Simmons, an Amish man who doesn't believe in roads...or cars...or zippers. I would post a picture of Simmons, but he apparently doesn't believe in cameras either.

Adam Sandler's new movie "Click" comes out today. Sandler's character in the film gets a TV remote that can control real-life. Even as a former Sandleraficianado (I sadly admit that I'm one of the ten million douchebags who can recite Billy Madison), I can safely say that I would never pay to see this movie. A TV remote that controls real-life? It sounds like the plot of bad a Family Matters episode. Sandler needs to go back to what he does best, making excellent films like Spanglish.

(Even the awkward Jerry curled member of the Winslow family doesn't know why on earth you would ever see Click)